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Friday, December 05, 2003

TRASH IT: Good to see that St Andrews students are still having fun:

WEALTHY students trashed a luxury hotel after a game of dares descended into drink fuelled chaos.

They caused thousands of pounds worth of damage at the Old Course Hotel in St Andrews, Fife, at a party during which Hooray Henrys did stunts to win luxury prizes.

A female student streaked to win the first prize of a £1200 bracelet from top jewellers Tiffany.

Other prizes included an all expensespaid trip to Prague or Reykjavik and spa treatments at the hotel.

The students, from a club called the Global Investment Group (GIG) and all planning careers in the City, paid £4000 to hire the hotel's Japanese suite.

But as the drink flowed, the students, nicknamed ''Yahs'', overturned tables, smashed glasses and ground cigarette butts into the carpets. The hotel declined to comment but sources yesterday confirmed repairs would cost £3000.

The ''Anything for Money'' event started with students being given £10 of Monopoly money, then completing challenges to win more. One St Andrews student, not a GIG member, said: ''They're Hooray Henrys and Henriettas from the home counties.

''The society is taken very seriously. But at the partiesand social events, everyone really lets their hair down.

''Sometimes it gets out of hand but that always happens when you give these rich kids a load of drink.''

Prince William, who is studying History of Art at the university, is not in the club. But GIG have more than 350 members and claim they land plum jobs with banks and investment firms.

Their website says St Andrews has produced more bosses of FTSE 100 companies in proportion to its size than any other university.

The group have built strong ties with many multi-nationalcompanies, including Toshiba and Standard Life.

Last night, a university spokesman confirmed an investigation into the party had been launched. He said: ''We would take such behaviour seriously.''

Derek MacLeod, president of the students' association, said: ''GIG are not associated with us in any way. We are keen to maintain good relations in the town.''

William Gould, president of St Andrews University GIG clubs, refused to say anything about his clubmates' behaviour. He said: ''I don't want to comment.''

Thursday, December 04, 2003

FUCK IT: In the BBC's Bottom comedy, the sex-starved Richard Richard talks (in a positive way) about "Death by Sex". But death by sex may not be a bad thing for people deprived of euthanasia. Every time someone wants to be put our of their misery, instead of giving them a lethal dose of something that will kill them, just have sex with them. Sex isn't illegal. And too much sex will wear out and finish off the old duffers who want to die. Guess what, Peter Cuthbertson is against euthanasia. There's a surprise. He thinks that individuals should be controlled by society. I am not a number, I am a free man.
FUCK IT: Virtual reality sex machines. At the moment, there may be people you want to shag until they're blue in the face. Problem is, they don't want to be shagged by you. It's a problem. Plus sex with humans does itself have problems. Like having to talk to a girl the next day. A virtual reality sex machine would let us all have lots of fun without having the bother of doing it with a real person.

It would be particularly useful for gay people because so there are so few openly gay people. They may be surrounded by good looking straight me. A gay man would find someone he fancies and get a photo for inputting into a computer. The computer would compute what the rest of the body feels and looks like, and would tailor the sexual experience based on the input.
FUCK IT: I'm a great believer in packaging. When you buy something, you want it to be presented well. Similarly, when you're having sex, you want the girl to see you in the best light. And that's why underwear counts.

Politics is very important when it comes to choosing underwear. If you're an authoritarian Conservative, you'll wear white Y-fronts (underpants). See John Major. These are totally uncool. Make sure to turn the lights off before your girl takes pulls your trousers down. If you're a left-wing authoritarian, you might well wear underpants too. But they are less likely to be white. Or they'll be made of Hessian Sack.

If you're a moderate, then boxer briefs are in order. They say that you're not entirely libertarian, but not entirely straight-laced.

But if you're a libertarian/libertine, then you'll wear boxer shorts. They signify freedom and looseness.

Brands matter too. Marks and Spencer say that you'll be a boring shag. Next means that you're common but OK. Gap means stylish lower middle class. FCUK means you're dyslexic but quite fashionable. Agent Provocateur means you're a pervert. And Calvin Klein is just cool.
BEAT IT: It used to be the case a century ago in British boarding schools that prefects, and sometimes teachers, would commit soddomy with the boys. Prefects, particularly, would use it as a punishment, and a way of getting pleasure. Nowadays - if it were found out - it would probably cause the school to be closed down. Similarly, caning in the 40s and 50s was seen as perfectly reasonable. But now, like soddomising pupils, it is seen as child absue. Quite right.

Many conservatives would be against buggery as a punishment, but in favour of caning. Ethically, there is no difference between beating with a cane and jumping on top of a pupil. They are both violations of a person's flesh. So when Peter Cuthbertson says things in support of corporal punishment in schools, to be consistent he should really favour buggery as a punishment too.

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

SMOKE IT: When the bossy campaign group Ash and others call for bans on smoking in pubs, they are attacking gay culture. (I might add that I am a straight womaniser.) Practising gay people understand, perhaps better than most people, about rational risk management. They know buggery has risks. It is more risky than the ordinary sex that most of us partake of. But they see that there are rewards to that sex. All their lives people have been telling them about the dangers of being gay and getting AIDS. But despite disapproval from society, they have made the choice to bugger one another because they place a bigger value on that than on the risk. They are less risk-adverse than others in society.

When it comes to smoking, so many homos smoke because they understand the risks and prefer to have the pleasure. If it was really the government's job to prevent risk, they should ban cars for a start. Indeed, the government might win friends from Greenpeace if they did. Gay people also tend to smoke more because they are part of a seedier social scene - they are less likely to settle down and marry because they are prevented from marrying each other.
FUCK IT: Christianity. In this case, fuck means "say no to". Normally on this blog it means "I love you and want to have your babies." Anyway, Peter Cuthbertson is pleased by an Enoch Powell Quote: "Often when I am kneeling down in church, I think to myself how much we should thank God, the Holy Ghost, for the gift of capitalism." Yeah, the sentiment has merit, but why thank God? He had nothing to do with the gift of capitalism.
SMOKE IT: What type of fags are the best? I normally smoke Marlborough Lights, although I prefer Dunhills (although these less commonly available). Non light Marlboroughs are just not cool because only old people smoke them. Lambert and Butler, despite the advertising they used to do with the butler, are a big no-no because they are cheaper. They make you look like a cigarette addict rather than someone who smokes just because you like them.
DRINK IT: Just been drinking a bottle of Sainsbury's Navara. According to the bottle, this is "a delicious blend of Tempranillo and Cabernet Sauvignon grapes grown on chalky soil in the northern Spanish province of Navarra." It tastes excellent on its own and cost £4.39.

Monday, December 01, 2003

FUCK IT: Peter Cutherbertson has been thinking about homosexuality. He seems concerned about the promotion of homosexuality in schools. He should relax. Straight people are not straight simply because the government tells them to be. Heterosexual sex is not a great chore that they would abandon if homosexual sex was easily available. They really do like the opposite sex. Believe it or not, letting gay people have the same rights as straight people will not mean that the species dies out.
DRINK IT: Jack Daniel's Old No. 7. Bliss.
EAT IT: The Food Commission, the bossy charity which misleadingly sounds like a government body, is proud that it "takes no subsidy from the government". But it does receive research grants from "local, national or international public-sector bodies (e.g. trading standards departments, educational authorities, national government departments, the European Commission, the World Health Organisation)". So we, the taxpayer, are paying for it.
SMOKE IT: Fags. They're perfect to puff on when you're in the pub. The Health Fascists want to ban them, but I can't think of anything better to go with a pint of real ale. They are less fattening than chips, and the Health Fascists all think we are too fat anyway. As part of a calorie controlled diet, they are great. Cigarettes help me relax. Religion tries to give us peace, but fails. Cigarettes reach parts that religion can't.

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